if i didn't hurt you wouldn't be my rose
if i didn't burn you wouldn't be my thorn
i know it but
with your hands along my scars i forget
to shield, and now i know that you
are the worst thing for me, for sure, and
if i'd held out another two weeks i wouldn't
be dragging myself this way.
2 comments:
First off, let me just say sorry for how gosh-darned long it took me to comment. At any rate.
This one feels a little high-school-angsty, particularly the first two lines. It seems like it's referencing something specific, which is fine, but the imagery is a little general, and I don't really know where you're going with it. Also, dragging yourself where? or why? I don't know, it sort of seems like it belongs within a larger, more developed poem. I do like, "With your hands along my scars I forget to shield". Not bad, but you can do better.
-Rowangrove
Haha, you're right, this is high-school-angst crap. I think whenever I'm tempted to write anything that contains nothing but "you"s and "I"s I should write it and then print it out and crumple it up and throw it away. I think the line you picked up is my least favorite, but only because "scars" and "hands" stray dangerously close to cutter poetry. Oh well!
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