daphne in decrepitude

This I consider one of my best pieces.
Since I've been posting a lot of short, sloppy pieces lately, I wanted to put this up for comparison.
Take this as inspiration for how to help me edit.

when i met you by the riverbank
the curve of the sun flashed behind your head
as if it were your circlet.

i climbed ashore.
my feet, white and waterpolished pebbles,
sank into the soft filth of the earth.

everything began to itch as
you ran your sunbaked hands across me,
your quiver slipping further down your back.

too late, i spotted the arrow
sealing itself into my side. my skin
curled and hardened in your embrace.

"shut up and swallow"

Yesterday was an example of my lazy work. 
I think pieces end up much stronger when I start with a definite setting for a feeling, rather than the emotion itself. 
Today I task myself with doing so. I'm guessing it will probably end up very short and incomplete.

how strange to
see you in my
waking world again,
grumping luggage up a ramp across
the street from my third floor. i cover my
overexcitement by laughing at how
obvious you are. my coworker groans,
remembering your favorite offensive shirt.
i swallow lungfuls of giggles. you disappear.
while we poke fun at you, i think of stealing into
your drawer and burning that goddamn shirt.
i don't decide whether
i'd kiss you
afterward.

implementation

Already I'm not keeping up very well. 
Here's a bad idea - I'll attempt to write a poem straight into the blog update box. 
Usually I work in a text editor, so I'm not sure how this will go.

It's been a few days and I've made
several mistakes. My life seems quieter,
or at least I have curled up among the
belched feathers of a dying pillow and
feigned sleep. It's the bluntness of it.
You being what you always were.
Me repeating the worst mistakes,
whitewashing the windows and shouting
down the smoke alarms. I would be angry
at a hospital stretcher. You would be
the nurse twisting my bones.

This will need perspective and editing, if I decide it's worth anything.